Bridget Jonesismmsm

If I could describe my life to any stranger, I would tell them it's a hot mess between Bridget Jones' Diary and the "New Girl."  

Bucket List

1. Go on a cruise   (I rode the Maid of the Mist in Canada...but I'm sure that doesn't count.)
2. Travel throughout Israel
3. Lift 40 lbs + the bar   (Weak...I know..but right now I'm working the bar.)
4. Have 97 % pass rate on the CRCT for my students
5. Buy a star and name it Larbear and Janice
6.  Meet Joseph Gordon-Levitt
7.  Be in the studio audience of the Ellen Show
8. Get married to the love of my life (once preferably)
9. Adopt at-least one baby (why have lots, when there are so many who need us?)
10.  Go skydiving
11. Try Authentic Greek food
12.  Attend a John Mayer concert
13. Learn how to use photoshop the right way
14.  Give a toast at a wedding
15.  Attend my student's graduation
16.  Teach my future children about Jesus and how much he loves them
17.  Re-prioritize my bucket list
18.  Speak to a group of women about my testimony
19. Learn enough of one language to carry on with someone of that background
20.  to be continued.

Romance..dead or alive...or maybe it's my heart that's a little dead. Zombie heart? I digress.

So I've recently started finishing/re-reading a book a friend gave to me a year ago, "Authentic Beauty" by Leslie Ludy.   I love this book.  I admit, I started it a year ago with noble intentions.  It was one of those books that Super Christian's rave about...it's the next "Captivating"...the best guide to love after the bible. etc etc.  

And let me clarify..this book is pretty great.  It's filled with blunt honesty and led with scripture.  Ludy rehashes experiences in romance in her life and explains why things worked out (or didn't work out) using the word as the rule.  Blah blah...So why am I saying this now?

As I dusted off the Floridian sand from last years Labor Day trip, I realized I stopped reading this book because it called me out on some uncomfortable truth.  "Jesus is the only true and satisfying love in this life."

No no no!!   This isn't what Cinderella says!   This isn't at all the plan.  I'm supposed to be in love my God, and then he'll provide someone who completely meets my needs and loves me unconditionally for who I am..  Slams book shut.  

I suppose the hardest lie to face is the one you've given to yourself.  

"The unmarried young woman centers her earthly existence around the affairs of her heavenly Prince, and her aim in life is to be completely set apart for Him, in body and in spirit."
1 Corinthians 7:34, Paraphrase

This is not something I like admitting.  
I was that girl in high school that prayed for her future husband.  The one in college that made promises to look for warrior's heart and to guard mine with prayer and discernment..

And now I'm the one in a career..with the same statement on my lips.  I must aim my life to be completely set apart.  

That is tough.  
"That" calls for a continuous and conscientious lifestyle change.  Because what comes easy, and what is natural is not what is right.   

Proverbs 4:23

²³ Keep your heart pure for out of it are the important things of life.

Jeremiah 17:5-11

 ⁵ The Lord says, “Cursed is the man who trusts in man, who trusts in the flesh for his strength, and whose heart turns away from the Lord. ⁶ For he will be like a bush in the desert and will not see when good comes. He will live in dry wastes in the desert, in a land of salt where no other people live. ⁷ Good will come to the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is in the Lord. ⁸ He will be like a tree planted by the water, that sends out its roots by the river. It will not be afraid when the heat comes but its leaves will be green. It will not be troubled in a dry year, or stop giving fruit.

⁹ “The heart is fooled more than anything else, and is very sinful. Who can know how bad it is? ¹⁰ I the Lord look into the heart, and test the mind. I give to each man what he should have because of his ways and because of the fruit that comes from his works. ¹¹ As a bird that sits on eggs which it has not laid, so is he who gets rich by doing wrong. When his life is half over, they will leave him, and in the end he will be a fool.”

Everything around me says "Rachel, trust your heart."  

The heart is fooled more than anything else.   It says it clear as day.  

So what now...What advice do I offer myself and you?  

In the words of Leslie Ludy, "Every stage of a love story that is truly initiate by our Prince-- both the friendship and the romance--only enhances our intimacy with Him.  if a relationship is not leading us closer and closer to Him, it will quickly become just another one of those lovers cluttering up our sanctuary."  

After I read this...I let it resonate..and then..I questioned it.  WHY!!  Why would I question something that sounds so easy to comprehend.  But it's there is scripture...over and over again

Romans 11:36

³⁶ Everything comes from the Lord. All things were made because of him and will return to him. Praise the Lord forever! Amen.

James 1:17 

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.

1 Chronicles 29:14

But who am I, and who are my people, that we could give anything to you? Everything we have has come from you, and we give you only what you first gave us!

1 John 4:19

¹⁹ We love because he first loved us.

1 John 4:7-8

⁷ Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is ^[a]born of God and knows God. ⁸ The one who does not love does not know God, for God is love.

God promises love, and unconditional love from Him.  Love that never stops,  never gives up, love that never forgets, never needs encouraging, ...Love that is

⁴ patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

    1 Corinthians 13...

So now, on a high from scripture..what does this mean?

"A romantic relationship might very well have been initiated by God, but the moment our focus moves from our Prince to a human love story is the moment we cease to guard our sanctuary, and our entire foundation for success crumbles into ashes.  A relationship that leads us closer to our Princes and carefully protects our inner sanctuary is the key to discovering romance as it was truly intended to be--a little taste of heaven on earth."

So...

²⁵ “I tell you this: Do not worry about your life. Do not worry about what you are going to eat and drink. Do not worry about what you are going to wear. Is not life more important than food? Is not the body more important than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds in the sky. They do not plant seeds. They do not gather grain. They do not put grain into a building to keep. Yet your Father in heaven feeds them! Are you not more important than the birds? ²⁷ Which of you can make himself a little taller by worrying? ²⁸ Why should you worry about clothes? Think how the flowers grow. They do not work or make cloth. ²⁹ But I tell you that Solomon in all his greatness was not dressed as well as one of these flowers. ³⁰ God clothes the grass of the field. It lives today and is burned in the stove tomorrow. How much more will He give you clothes? You have so little faith! ³¹ Do not worry. Do not keep saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or, ‘What will we drink?’ or, ‘What will we wear?’ ³² The people who do not know God are looking for all these things. Your Father in heaven knows you need all these things. ³³ First of all, look for the holy nation of God. Be right with Him. All these other things will be given to you also. ³⁴ Do not worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will have its own worries. The troubles we have in a day are enough for one day.

Matthew 6:25-34

A hard lesson, or two.

It's been a long time since I've been on here.  I suppose sometimes I wish I could just think my thoughts into the screen, mash post (yes, mash), and release droplets of my soul into the web.  

This is my first year teaching and I am learning.  I think I learn more from my students than they from me.  It is an undeniable stress to bear the responsibility of teenage minds, characters, education, actions, and choices.  I believe I have a vague, blurry understanding of what parenthood might be like.  That is a scary thought.

My natural response to stress, mind you... is to wrap up in survival mode.  Like a turtle, my home is inside, away from the elements, waiting for the right time to emerge.  But I can't.  It's not about me.  It's never been about me.

 It is freedom and responsibility wrapped and twisted around like yellow and white string cheese.

They watch closely...listening to my responses, my tone.  The intonation in my voice clues them into the secrets of communication.  I teach.
My heart has been hurting lately for my students.  How do I guide them in the right way?  What do they need to grow academically?  What of their character...what else can I teach?

Am I living and breathing the model that I would want replicated?  It is a new daily challenge.




I have also come to the conclusion that the hardest thing to accept is the apology one will never receive.

Including the one from yourself.

My favorite line:  I make mistakes, but I own them and learn from them.  Sometimes I make a lot of mistakes.

-Isaiah 40 (The Message) 'paraphrased'

Why would you ever complain, O Jacob,
or, whine, Israel, saying,
“God has lost track of me.
He doesn’t care what happens to me”?

Don’t you know anything? Haven’t you been listening?
God doesn’t come and go. God lasts.
He’s Creator of all you can see or imagine.
He doesn’t get tired out, doesn’t pause to catch his breath.
And he knows everything, inside and out.
He energizes those who get tired,
gives fresh strength to dropouts.
For even young people tire and drop out,
young folk in their prime stumble and fall.

hard words

some of the hardest words to swallow is the truth.
-That dress truly does make you look bigger
-That Big Mac you just ate has 34 grams of fat.
-I'm not in love with you anymore.
Sometimes...The truth confuses me.  It makes me not know my own thoughts.
This has been my encouragement 


Romans 8:25-27
But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with patience. In the same way the Spirit also joins to help in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings. And He who searches the hearts knows the Spirit's mind-set, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.

Hood Rat Stuff: You're Worth It, Dispelling the Lies of Inadequacy...

Hood Rat Stuff: You're Worth It, Dispelling the Lies of Inadequacy...: "This is a sermon that I preached at Plunge on May 1, 2011."

Ashley

My gorgeous friend Ashley is my best friend, my roommate, and today she was my muse :)

Here are just a couple of pictures to let you see just how beautiful she is!

If you like what you see, click on LesleyDel Photography and take a look around.  We still have a "few" dates left for the summer, so call now and book your session!

Just a thought.

Working on my own heart tonight.  Assignment: Put yourself first.  This idea is 100% foreign to me.  I've jammed into my brain the idea to think of others before yourself for so long that I've forgotten how to love myself.  That's something that will put a lump in my throat.  Wheew.
(Painfully swallows)


-Proverbs 19:8

Whoever gets sense loves his own soul; he who keeps understanding will discover good.

and finally

 Psalm 37

Fret not yourself because of evildoers; be not envious of wrongdoers! For they will soon fade like the grass and wither like the green herb. Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him, and he will act. ...

New Self-assigned Task:

Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Leviticus 19:18 (OLD Testament)
“Never seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone, but love your neighbor as yourself. 

Mark 12:31
The second is equally important: `Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.” 

I am a naturally clumsy person.  That transcends into all areas of my life, emotionally, physically, and sometimes mentally.  But God also gave me the ability to love deeply, to find beauty where others see ugliness, to put someone at ease, and make a situation more comfortable.  He's given me a beautiful kind, loving family and breathtaking generous, loving, joyful friends.  

I have been given a beautiful life.  I delight in God's goodness tonight.  He has only done good to me.  Even when I am MOST undeserving, he still blesses me.

Reminds me of my earlier assignment from Luke 6:27-36:

²⁷ “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ²⁸ bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. ²⁹ If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. ³⁰ Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. ³¹ Do to others as you would have them do to you.   ³² “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. ³³ And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. ³⁴ And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. ³⁵ But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. ³⁶ Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.




My earlier assignment I gave to myself was to live out this verse.  It is one of the most difficult daily decisions I have ever had to make, because I have to chose to do so every moment.  Tonight, I delight in the Lord.  He is good.  He makes good creations.  He made us.  He loves us.  

 

• ?
  
  

Anna and Kevin

Saturday, one of my closest friends Anna and her hilarious boyfriend allowed me to follow them around and take pictures.  It was my first shoot without Lesley!! (scared face)
It turned out great!  Here are a few pictures from the shoot.  The quality is awful because this blog doesn't support such high quality photos, but you get the idea.  If you like what you see, Click www.lesleydel.com or the Picture of me to the left.

a song or two.

I wouldn't go as far to say that I'm a music guru by any means, but I like good music, and I'm always game for new delicacies to add to my collection.  My most recent finding is a fantastic artist by the name of Susan Enan.  She's got a soothing voice, a fantastic guitar, and she uses an orchestra it seems to fill out the sound in her songs.  She's a female version of John Mayer with a dash of Imogen Heap.
Each song has it own distinct flavor and meaning.   "If You're Feeling Low," is my most recent fancy by Enan, so I thought I would share.  I did not make this youtube video, but it did have the song in it, so in the words of Dan Badger...you win some you lose some.
If You're Feeling Low

one final thought before I go to sleep tonight.

God has blessed me with beautiful, kind, generous, highly considerate and gracious friends and family.  

Also, still working on: 

Be merciful just as your Father is merciful.

Its my bed time.  See you soon, I'm sure :D 

Hard Lesson to learn

   Luke 6:27-42


 ²⁷ “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ²⁸ bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. ²⁹ If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. ³⁰ Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. ³¹ Do to others as you would have them do to you.

   ³² “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. ³³ And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. ³⁴ And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. ³⁵ But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. ³⁶ Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Judging Others

    ³⁷ “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. ³⁸ Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

 ³⁹ He also told them this parable: “Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into a pit? ⁴⁰ The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher.

   ⁴¹ “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? ⁴² How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Be merciful just as your Father is merciful.  

That is a hard sentence to say.  

I'm being reminded of all of my imperfections this week.  It is a cleansing process.  

Its a painful process.

I am currently taking the plank out of my own eye.  Its painful.  Like digging for a really deep splinter.  You dig for a while that hurts.  Then you find out where it is, and that place is REALLY tender.  Then, you Pluck at it for a while till you get it out, and then there is the healing time because it is still tender.

This morning while I was pondering all of this, Doxology came on my itunes.

Praise God from whom all blessing flow!!!! Praise God all creatures here,below.

Praise Him above Ye Heavenly Hosts.

Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost, Amen.

Amen-Truth.  Truth has been spoken aloud, and I agree.

Those words encourage me this morning.  

Psalm 30:5

 For his anger lasts only a moment,
   but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
   but rejoicing comes in the morning.

Today and as long as I'm on this earth, I am lightyears away from perfection. 

Praise God for loving me in spite of that.  

There is a quote from one of my most favored movies, Bridget Jones Diary.

Bridget is surprised, and comforted because the object of her affections tells her this:

"I like you, very much. Just as you are." Mark Darcy.

I love this part in the movie.  It is the clearest picture of love.  

My God loves me.  Just as I am.  I can tell him when I'm angry, when I'm upset, when I'm happy, when I'm crazy.

It doesn't matter .  He will always love me.  He is a good God.  

C.O.R.E 2011 Sea Kayak Trip

This Saturday, Ashley, Richard, and I set off early with 9 other fantastic individuals to 

Anclote Key State Park.

We arrived there around 4 pm and set off on our journey.  We paddled around 4 ish miles to get to our island where we set up camp for the night.  Upon arrival two of our newly but equally as sweet friends, Ashley and Tyler walked off to the "sunset" portion of the island where he got down on one knee and asked Ashley to be his bride :)  !!(le sigh)!! SO SWEET!

After that we all celebrated by campfire with chili mac and marshmallows.

Then Doel and I serenaded the group with classic selections such as "The Circle of Life". and Kiesha Cole's,  "Love".  Soon after, we all said adieu to The Island and woke up early Sunday morn to a beautiful sunrise, and dolphins swimming around the shore.  

I wish I could give you multiple adjectives to describe how picture perfect the moment was, or how clean and fresh the air was floating in thru the screen of my tent, or how warm and inviting the sun was to my pale and tired skin, but I can't.  I can tell you that there is truly no way I can look at creation and not believe.  

                                      C.S. Lewis said it far more eloquently than I,

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else." 

All in all, it was a fantastic trip.  A little subway, Van sleep, and Sunburn later, We're all back in Valdosta, Currently catching up on homework! 

I don't want to be.

I guess I'm bitter
Because you pop up on my status, together
and still no apology.

I guess I'm bitter
because you gave no respect
and now you've got plenty

I guess I'm bitter
because I tried so hard to give you love
and I got hurt instead

I guess I'm bitter
because camp was my love,
and now its something I dread.

I'm bitter because I see him with her
and then mine with me
but mine doesn't want to be around
if it doesn't fit his schedule, conveniently

I'm bitter because I'm bitter, because I don't want or like to be.
I just want to love on you, but your lies still anger me.

You both lied to my face, and I knew it the WHOLE time.
And still prayed and encouraged you, while you used me, words and rhyme.

And now I keep asking for forgiveness, because I can't let it go,
that you never asked for mine, instead just let it go

So I'm reminded each time you pop up,
your "couple-y" pictures and all
of the hardest summer of my life,
where I tried so hard to lift you up, and instead, you let me fall.

I know I am not perfect
far from it I know
I'm sorry if I hurt you,
I've tried so hard to just let go

I promise I always prayed good thoughts towards you
and good things in your life
even when you tried me, with lies and late nights

So, here I am, broken and done with it all
After writing, I'm not longer bitter
just sad at how the end was called.

If together is where you both truly belong, then I hope it will always be filled with love.
And that every-time you are together, you share it around you, given from above.

But please, have some mercy on me, the fragile creature I seem to be.
Because my heart is still broken, still healing from a wound that never heals until maybe one day, whenever the blind will finally see..
This loneliness pit I sit in, will finally be stripped away.
Away from all the medicines and doctors
To finally see light and day.

My God loves you, so dearly to his heart.
And loves me too, I know it, I'm ready for that life to start.

This one still hurts so painful, its harsh and unforgiving.
My Jesus' home is worship, glory to Him, I'll be giving.
He is the giver, the lover,
the lover.
the lover of those who cannot possibly give him the full extent of worship he deserves
and still he loves us?
I can't form comprehending words.

So, tonight, I will soak in, he comforts the broken-hearted.
and drink in his rejoicing love song deep
and Pray for understanding
because I'm bitter, and I don't want to be.

Best Housekeeping Award

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper is that your guests are so pleased to feel how very much better they are.
Eleanor Roosevelt 

I feel like I missed out on that gene that is supposed to be in pearls with a vacuum and a book.  Or at least the pearls and vacuum.